The Matt is Back!!!

Hello boys and girls and everything in between! My sincerest apologies for going AWOL but i have just perfected a recipe for anti-blogging!

1 tablespoon of a trip to Bangkok
3 teaspoons of a trip to Melaka
add a few pinches of shoots
add a dash of election fever
add a few slices of performances
and most importantly add 65kg's of a lazy ass

and voila!!

Anyways now that i'm back, be sure to watch out for lots of photos and videos that insult your intellygents and Eye Queue and in the mean time check out the madness that's been going on at CBK's blog.. i heard there's a new video dedicated to Semi Value..oops i mean Samy Vellu

Blessed Christmas to all...

A brief note...

Dear friends and loyal readers (if any), i would like to apologise for my absence as I have been involved in something some of you might not be familiar with… so I will try my very best to explain it in a simple manner as this is un-charted territories for some of you… I have actually been… WORKING! Hahaha

But seriously speaking, I can’t really say much about my latest project till I get an official approval but here’s a sneak peek!

Mental Meltdown

Thanks for all the wonderful feedback on the Spritzer series! Don’t worry part 3 will be out soon and I heard rumours that they’re gonna make a movie out of it… apparently the dog from Frasier will be casted as the title role. We’ll see how it goes.

Have been extremely busy the past few weeks, dad and friend started a production house/ad agency and since there aren’t any strong child labour laws in Malaysia, yours truly have been “persuaded” to help out so am now the official copy writer/production assistant/office boy/tukang ta-pau/toilet cleaner/Gurkha security guard and many more that cant be mentioned due to dad’s ISA laws (Ikut Suka Aku).

But I’m not complaining, I love doing copy writing and for the un-initiated, copy writers come up with the words you see/read on the ads be it print ads in the papers or mags and even scripts for tv ads and corporate videos… so its gotta be catchy so people will be interested to read and no, textbooks weren’t written by copy writers hence the boredom.

My last product was a beauty/health product for a leading brand (not gonna mention brand names, not being paid enough to advertise for them!) so in order to write about it one has to try the product and get the feel of it… so one can relate to another in words about how good the product is. Unfortunately for me, I’m allergic to Lavender and the blardy face mask had lavender! Long story short, I had to test all the products and was left with a skin as soft as a baby’s bottom and smelling like those old aunties you meet at the Malaysian Line Dancing Competition sponsored by Magnum 4D.

I’m just glad I’m not writing for products such as sanitary napkins or Nair… although tampons are pretty useful for running-nose, absorbs everything plus you can floss at the same time!

But then I overheard my Creative Director saying we might have to do a corporate video for a line of push-up bras… sigh any volunteers? I’ve got nothing to push! Hey I just thought of an excellent jingle for the ad, how about Josh Groban’s “ You Raise Me Up”?

Why can’t we get products like Tiger Beer or Chivas or Paandi’s Curry House or Hooters?

Joke of the day:
Q: What did the panty-liner sanitary pad say to the fart?
A: You are the wind beneath my wings

Farewell Godfather...

Alwyn "Bonny" Thaddeus

(i call him the Malaysian "Hulk Hogan")

A tribute to the Lord's humble servant, a father, a son, a brother, a husband, a friend, a Godfather and more importantly, an inspiration to life... here's a man who gave himself to others what he knows he will never get back in return… a man who puts others ahead of him… even on his death bed all he could think about was the pain and anguish he was putting his loved ones through… perhaps now some lucky kid will have a new guardian angel… all he ever wanted in life was for his children to love him… I hope he knows how much I do.

The Surcease of Sorrow
© By Kelly L. Delaney

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am the sparkle in the snow.
I am the shredded leaves that blow.
I am the sunlight on growing grain.
I am the gentle summer rain.
I am the quiet bird at night.
Circling about; Taking flight.
So do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.

Spritzer: Part 2

As I reached down ready to grasp this putrid smelling being, sweat beads form on the tips of my brow…
“eh Leon didn’t buy tissue ar?” scolds Jon feeling the heat of the moment.
“How I know wor, Matt only said to get box”

All of a sudden their arguments became blur as my finger tips started to explode with diverse senses… Wet. Slimy. Furry. Lumps. Something in its fur stirred as I brushed past it. Not wanting to be infected, years of watching Fear Factor have thought me this technique I humbly call; “Chuck & Carry” (rumours have it that apparently Hollywood made a movie of this but for copyright reasons they’ve decided to change it to Chuck & Larry… not too sure bout that tho.)

A single ‘thud’ in the box and we knew we’re good to go but to where?
“cant bring to my place or my pet mouse Magoo will hump it.” Sighed Matt.
"my house is so far! What if it dies in my car! Or worse, the lice will crawl all over my seat” whined Leon.
“Aiya just bring it to my house la, I already have 3 animals living at home!” exclaimed Jon lovingly thinking of his 3 brothers.

Stifled whines accompanied us on our journey to Jon’s. the poor thing must be hungry and shivering I thought out loud.
“you want to go tapau nasi le..err..never mind”. Leon.

“bro can bring a pail of warm water and cloth and Leon bring the pup over here” as Matt took the helm, with a total of 5 puppy rescues under his belt.
“ok Matt errr..now what do I do?”
“well you take it out of the box”
Everything happened so fast I could barely recall what happen. Leon bending over arms out stretch. A squeal into the cold early morning air. A loud ‘thud’ followed by a squeak. One sprawl puppy on the floor.

“it was wet and slimy!”
“Leon, do you see that chair over there? I have a big responsibility for you. I need you to go there and keep that chair company…” whispered Matt trying to maintain his blood pressure.

“It’s a boy!” peep Matt from underneath.
“how do you know?” replied the chair.
“I Googled it”





Stay tune for the final chapter plus more videos and pictures to come!

Spritzer

A few months ago Jon, Leon and I met something and fell head-over-heels in love (at least I did) with something we rescued from the streets. Here’s what happened from “MY” point of view…

it was a dark and stormy night…
as we stepped out into the cool dark air surrounding us...
we heard a silent but spine tingling cry...
Jon looked to me as I’m quite familiar with super natural substance but I was busy searching my mind for the location of that sound...
Leon was too busy trying to look for a place to hide...
again we heard it... a tiny but yet loud cry...
I took a few steps out...
Jon followed... he couldn’t walk properly because Leon was hanging on to him
as Jon and I took a few more steps out unto the road...
we saw a small dark heap of SOMETHING on the road...
"guys lets go let’s go" pleaded Leon...
and then...
IT MOVED
as Leon was reaching for his car keys... "oh my goodness it’s a puppy!" exclaimed matt.
next thing I knew, Leon was standing over it with his phone trying to take a picture "imagine all the girls I can show" he thought in his head
as the 3 of us pondered over this tiny dark smelly shivering heap of wet fur... illuminated by a single hand phone light...
I suddenly felt something crawling on my feet.
upon closer inspection, we noticed it was covered in lice
to make matters worse, it was sleeping in motor oil
the foul smell in the air told me that it has just become an orphan...
"we need to get it out of here!" I stressed.
"but where" replied Jon
"Suzie, Kelly, Linda oh I can also show Mei mei, Ling, Amy...” sang Leon
"I don’t know... but first let’s move it...” i said.
I broke Leon out of his trance and made him look for a box... off to 7-11 he went.
as Jon and I whipped out our phones and started calling trusted friends at 5am in the morning
"ok ok thanks and sorry to bother you..." as Jon looked at me with the same expression.. Futile.
nobody could take it in for the night..
suddenly we heard a meek voice..
"I’ll do it"
as we turned around we saw Leon, equip with a 'Spritzer' box in both hands but what made me curious was the look in his eyes
a look of pure sincerity
"all my life... I have always wanted to do something. Something that I will be proud of.."
"all my life I have been hurting people without meaning to.."
"but not this time...” as he threw the box down while jumping up and down because he was standing in the pile of lice...







(to be continued)